Odd to VHS: Alice, Sweet Alice

This is honestly one of my favorite films of all time. It’s a classic slasher that sends chills up and down my spine. The twist ending alone always gets me. Alice Sweet Alice is a cult classic, just for being so goddamned bizarre and having so many bewitchingly wretched and poisonous characters. The most obvious among them is Alice who is just a miserable little girl. Paula Sheppard stole the show! What an amazing performance. I only wish I could of seen her in more films. Paula plays a 12 year old but was actually 19 at the time. Go figure. She really did pass for twelve. Then there’s her piercing, unaware mother and there’s the extremely unattractive and bitchy Aunt Annie (who I swear is a man,) and her morbidly obese, piss-stained downstairs who makes it obvious that he likes little girls. What  a colorful cast of imitators! Piled up with these wild and crazy characters, we are given situations like a child murderer on the loose that’s morbidly disturbing a communion….among other things. Scandalous!

Lets get back you the obvious child molester. This bald, mustachioed, morbidly obese man with a room full of cats and a giant, weeks-old piss stain in the crotch of his khaki pants is the landlord who pines over little girls and eats cat food out of the can. How is this the land lord? Who is this guy? The actor’s name is Alphonso DeNoble. He was only featured in three low budget horror films and unfortunately died in 1986. He spent most of his days working as a bouncer in a gay night club. I knew he was gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. To earn extra money, Alphonso would often dress up as a priest and hang around cemeteries. Elderly widows would ask “Father Alphonso” for a blessing and offer him a donation for the church in return. You can also see him in Bloodsucking Freaks. I’ve seen the film and do not recall seeing him. Looks like I will be rewatching it shortly.

Poor little Karen. She is just in the middle of a communion and suddenly a little person in a yellow rain slicker and creepy mask is strangling her with a church candle! She drags her back and dumps her in a wooden bench and sets it on fire. There is a panic scene at the church, the annoying aunt (who is a dude) grabs her mother and screams “She’s dead! She’s DEAD! KAREN IS DEAD! SHE’S DEAD!” Oh my God, someone shut that woman up. She’s the most annoying of all the characters.  She needs to put her daughter on a diet and stop worrying about confused Alice who just started her period. I seriously expected to look up this actress and discover that she was a man. Her name is Jane Lowry, and her only other credit is an ABC Afterschool Special.

Some fun facts about the film from IMDB:
When Father Tom stands in the rain, watching Mrs. Tredoni check the mail, a poster for the film Psycho (1960) can be seen in the background. Father Tom drives a 1957 Ford Fairlane. Linda Miller was injured while filming the scene in the hospital, and production had to be halted for a month. Fortunately, she didn’t have to go far for medical help since they were filming in a hospital. The knife used in the film was created by Alfred Sole’s neighbor, who was an engineer, and was designed with a retractable blade. It was the only knife used in the film; the filmmakers never made any duplicates. Was partially inspired by the film Don’t Look Now (1973), especially the usage of the yellow raincoats. Well no it was red rain coats in that film. If you have a chance do watch Don’t  Look Now because it’s freaky and has a scene that scares the shit out of me. There are three things in this world that scares the crap out of me and that’s Tiny people, clowns, and and dolls. Lastly, this was Brooke Shield’s first film.

Everyone wants to argue that Alice may have killed Karen. Ignorance is flooding the IMDB message boards. Give up the theory already. The old woman is the killer and if seeing her stabbing the victims to death isn’t enough, she mentions that she lost her daughter on the day of her communion. BAM! Now stfu!

Piss stains on a fat man’s crotch, ew.

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