With Octoberfest inching its way into our lives I have decided to whip up a batch of lively horror films to watch all month long. However, I am not 102% content with the list. There are so many flavors out there and one cannot merely compile a list of 20. How about a list of 200? This is your first batch of films to watch while you sip on that craft beer and munch on stale popcorn that lacks the desired measure of butter and garlic salt. In no particular order……
(Anguish-1987) Incredibly bizarre and original horror film within a horror film brought to us by Spanish director Bigas Luna with Zelda Rubinstein doing what she does best, crawling in the audiences skin and giving you that cold feeling in your stomach. There’s a lot of trickery and hypnosis in place. I’m not a fan of mind-altering substances but if you are, watch this film under the influence then get back to me. I am dying to know the results.
(The Boneyard-1991) On my quest to find rare VHS gems that have somehow managed to remain on open video store shelves I came across this hilarious cover and I couldn’t believe that I have no memory of seeing this cover on the shelves so many moons ago. I am surrounded by all these familiar titles, grabbing what I could fit into my arms, then….. WHAT THE FUCK…. Is that a fucking poodle? There are actually two covers, this yellow poodle being the comedy and the black cover representing the horror elements. It’s a blood-soaked, boisterous laughfest and every Halloween party should have one. There’s a monster poodle for fucks sake.
(Brain Scan-1994) Ultimately one of my favorite horror films of all time. The computer graphics are exquisite. It has one of the best horror movie scores of all time and this is a film that truly caters to the horror fans. Of all films on this list, watch this one first.
(Cat People-1988) Sex. Big cats. Incest. Malcolm McDowell. Natassja Kinski. David Bowie. Need I say more?
(Children of the Night-1991) Two chicks have this ritual where they swim in an abandoned church crypt (that sounds like fun) and one of the gals drops her crucifix on an old vampire’s head awakening him and he takes over the small town. It’s ridiculously corny but a genuine vampire flick with the late Karen Black.
(Blacker Than the Night – 1975) Also known as Darker Than the Night, this Spanish horror film is a tale of four women who move into a house that one of the girl’s inherited. Her Aunt’s spirit still haunts the home and she’s absolutely pissed when the girls kill her cat. The film is void of gore and special effects but the chilling atmosphere and acting make up for it. There are a couple of hair raising moments.
(Darkness-1993) This is what I’m talking about! Not all Shot-On-Shiteo films are bad. Vampires, check! Mullets, check! Chainsaws, check! Exploding heads, double check! Buckets of blood and piles of entrails, FUCKING TRIPLE CHECK! If you’re a student interested in making your own horror film I highly suggest you do your homework, starting with this sick flick that’s easily the goriest vampire film ever made and the director, Leif Jonker, was only 19 at the time!
(Deadly Blessing-1981) Wes Craven is a God. A God I tell you! This eerie entry has several notable actors including Sharon Sone, Michael Berryman, and Ernest Borgnine. Even the annoying Patty Simcox (Susan Buckner) from Grease makes the cast. The film is easily forgettable and I don’t know why.
(Demons-1985) Earlier I mentioned Anguish being a horror film within a horror film. Demons is another film that takes place in a movie theater where demons devour and possess the West Berlin attendees. Italian horror films are among my favorites and they’re the most brutal. These Italian directors are able to make death look so beautiful and that’s something that little Americans have mastered. Okay, maybe not the green puss scene but everything else is spectacular to look at! Rebekah doesn’t do green puss. Do not consume food when watching this movie!
(Halloween 3-1982) I am so sick of people giving the third installment shit due to Michael Myer’s absence. You may find this film on my list every year because it’s actually a brutal film that targets children and one of the child’s deaths is so graphic, I’m surprised they got away with it. Originally, the Halloween franchise was suppose to focus on several different villains. That never happened. Only in the third one is Myers absent. The story focuses on the bad ass Tom Atkins who tries to take down a Halloween mask producing company that is run by witches…. Errr robots…. whatever the fuck they are. The company’s goal is to kill every child in America.
(Near Dark-1987) Here’s one for my Texan vampire fans! Around every corner is a unique vampire flick with style. This is the only film on my list directed by a woman. Not to worry, wait until the next list!
(Night of the Demons-1988) I know, I know. “You put this on your list every year!” Well that’s because it’s my favorite horror film of all time and it takes place on Halloween you pretentious pubic hair. Where else are you going to see a fully nude girl inserting lipstick into her nipple? N-O-W-H-E-R-E!
(The People Under the Stairs-1991) Wes Craven graces my list more than any other horror director. The man knows how to please a lady. He speaks to my heart. Sean Whalen is gross but this film is outrageously underrated. Incest. A little black boy named ‘Fool’ as the heroine. Ving Rhames. Booby traps. Leather body suits. Racial slurs. Child abuse. Pale, inbred children that turn to cannibalism and a mean dog named Prince. Dig it.
(Pin-1988) A brother and sister live together with a wooden dummy named ‘Pin” that tells the brother to do things. This psychological horror film is unlike anything you have ever seen. A feeling of dread will creep over you then you will find yourself asking, “What the fuck did I just watch?”
(Poison for the Fairies-1984) Deadly fable that focuses on two annoying girls. One being bat shit crazy and the other being manipulated by her friend that believes she is a witch. Child on child murder. Brilliant cinematography. Winner of the Mexican Academy Awards.
(Popcorn-1991) Yet another horror film that takes place in a movie theater. I swear I am not doing this on purpose! The premise is silly but the deaths are lucrative and people seem to think that horror films hibernated in the 90s. I seem to remember several goodies from the 90s. These people have no clue what they’re talking about. I like to pair this entry with Society.
(The Sentinel-1977) Guaranteed to give you a heart attack. The mom in the National Lampoons Vacation films (Beverly D’Angelo) shows her bewbs and masturbates in an off-putting scene. Chris Sarandon, Cristina Raines, Christopher Walken, Ava Gardner, Tom Berender, Jeff Goldblum, and John Carradine are among the cast.
(Sometimes They Come Back-1991) Octoberfest wouldn’t be right without a little Stephen King now, would it? What started out as a short story turned into one of the better films plucked from the King’s work. Tim Matheson and his family move back to his hometown where he is being harassed by teenagers that were killed after murdering his older brother when he was a kid. This event has been haunting him his entire life and now he has a chance to put the demons behind him. Unfortunately, it’s not just a haunting. The dead greasers are picking off teens left and right for shits and giggles and they strive to murder Jim to keep themselves out of hell. It sounds silly but this is a spooky film that I look forward to watching again for the first time in 10 years.
(The Blob-1988) One of the better remakes floating around out there with Saw’s Shawnee Smith in the lead. If you love science fiction then you need to get a load of this gooey killing machine. It’s gory and the action is non-stop.
(Triangle-2009) Never mind that weird thing going on with Melissa George’s mouth. This is another original entry that doesn’t receive the respect it deserves. A group of friends have a yacht accident in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and find an abandoned ship where they are doomed to experience torment over and over and over again. It’s like…. totally outrageous….. Like JEM outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous.